Calling BULL

There are some days that I just want to call bull on of it. Today is that day.

You, who don’t text back – BULL. You, who say that you miss me when I’m out of town, but can’t be bothered to even get a coffee date in the books when I’m in town – BULL. You, who claim to like being close to me, but who shut me out at every turn – BULL. You, who are incredibly present one minute and totally absent the next – BULL. You, who say you want to be my friend, but fail to show up and be a friend – BULL.

You, who pass out tracts before Easter service but fail to serve the poor – BULL. You, who chase after job promotions and fail to care for the widow – BULL. You, who slam pulpits but don’t bow to wash your brothers’ feet – BULL. You, who claim to love Jesus but hate your sisters – BULL.

Because here’s the thing — I’m coming out of a season of being duped, not just by one person but by a whole church, and I’m fighting really hard every day to believe that people can be trusted. I’m fighting to see Light in the dark, to see Love in the hate. So, it would really be great if you could just say one thing and mean it, if you could practice on Monday what you teach on Sunday, if you could just be consistent.

Because here’s the other thing — I’m trying my damndest to be gracious and self-less. I’m trying to be understanding of all of the things that feed into your life that make you act like you do, all the crazy family situations and work nonsense and health issues that cause you stress. I’m trying hard to be empathetic to illnesses and kids and jobs and all the stuff that makes you busy. I’m not saying I don’t “get it,” but I am saying that I’m busy too and sometimes, more often than not, it feels like I’m the only one who’s trying to make it work.

So, I’m calling bull on the one-sidedness. And I’m asking you to help me out.

How about we stop with the game-playing and the assumption-making? How about instead we ask each other for what we need and promise to try to give it to each other?

How about we stop making excuses for why we’re busy, and instead admit that we are and try to do better by each other?

How about we stop talking to our best friend, or our husband or our wife, or co-worker, or neighbor, or neighbor’s co-worker before we talk to each other?

How about, at the very least, we text each other back?

I’ll confess that I’m not the best about this either, but I really want to do better by you. I assume with the best of them and then I run circles in my head before I talk to someone who’s not you. I promise to stop doing this. I also promise to text you back, and to set up coffee dates, and to show up when you need me and sometimes when you don’t.

I’m calling bull on our bad dynamics, and promise to do better to improve my end of things.

But I can only do so much, and so you’ve got to help me out.

You’ve got to text me back. And you’ve got to set up coffee dates. And you’ve got to talk to me. And you’ve got to show up.

And WE’ve got to serve the poor. And WE’ve got to care for the widow. And WE’ve got to love our brothers and sisters. And WE’ve got to wash each other’s feet.

Otherwise, all we have is bull. And I think we can do better than that.

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4 thoughts on “Calling BULL

  1. You’re cool.
    I came out of the church a few years ago…and while I have pursued a totally different direction, I’ve been where you are. I’m not saying you should get out…but definitely look for people to appreciate your talents and abilities. I got stuck in a situation where I was labeled “unstable” and not allowed to do anything of value in the church. From there, I went on to become quite literally, unstable. Anyway, sorry if I’m talking like I know you when I obviously don’t. I just get excited when people actually call other people out on their crap. Good luck to you!

    1. Let me say how glad I am for people who happen upon my blog and then talk like they know me. I think probably that’s why I started blogging in the first place, to have conversations that feel like we’re sitting down over coffee. And oh, do I wish we could do that! I have no idea of your story or how you came to leave church, but do I wish that were something we could talk about. And as someone still very much inside the church community, let me say – I’m sorry you were hurt, and I hope we can do better by you somehow, somewhere along the way.

      Thank you for commenting! I hope you hang around and engage in other posts! I dare say we might get to be friends. 🙂

  2. I would love to talk more! I’m always on the lookout for good friends 🙂
    I also love coffee, conversations, and blogging/writing!

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